Today one of my friends told me her son was unable to play with one of my sons because it was her anniversary. The question marks above my head must have shown through the messenger because she quickly followed with an explanation. Her mom was going to watch her kids while her and her husband enjoyed an evening out. Still perplexed but not wanting to show it, I quickly put on the look of understanding (what does that look like, I’m not even sure. Wait. So did I pull off the look or not? hmmmm….I guess it doesn’t matter since she couldn’t see me anyways. Phew! Close one.) and typed: okay!
Why was this so perplexing for me? It’s not a straightforward answer, but bear with me if you will.
Maybe if I explain my loathing of this Hallmark holiday, it will, in some Brandi-type of thinking, shed some insight to the wedding anniversary thought. Anniversaries – wedding anniversaries specifically – are like mini Valentine’s Days for me. Why does this ‘holiday’ even exist? Now don’t get all historical on me and start stating facts about blah, blah, blah. Remember: my article, my train of thought no matter how much you disagree or hate it. Love it or leave it or be whatever. I choose to be whatever, and look at me – awesome never looked so good!
Where was I? Oh, yeah, fat little bald guy that tells you who to fall in love with. So why even have this holiday? Why is one time of the year enough for you to tell your loved ones that you, well, love them? Don’t you already do that the other 364 days of the year? If you aren’t, you should be.
Or is that one day of the year a day to give courage to all those that lack the gumption to tell others how they really feel? A chance to say, “yeah, you’re pretty amazing and I’m normally too awkward/scared to tell you so”? If that’s the case, here’s a secret: You don’t need Valentine’s Day to do it. Take a few shots of your liquid of choice (tequila is mine), and say screw it. Just go for it.
Disclaimer: I’m not telling you to get drunk and send drunk texts. I’m not telling you to do anything. I’m merely advising. So don’t go blaming me when you get shot down – and chances are you will get shot down. That’s just how it works. And getting shot down doesn’t necessarily mean something is wrong with you. Actually, there is probably something wrong with them if they can’t see your awesomeness and that’s their loss not yours.
Anyways…I digress…So to summarize: Valentine’s Day sucks. I’m not waiting for that one day a year to tell my husband how amazing he is and all the reasons I love him. This is something I like for him to feel each day of the year. Especially when Mother’s Day is approaching, but that is a whole other story for another day.
I feel the same about wedding anniversaries. Why celebrate our marriage one day a year? For me, that celebration happens each time we fight and still manage to stay married. Seriously – living with fibro sucks for both of us and can really wear us down if we allow it. And these fights can stem from some of the issues we aren’t facing and stuffing down inside until it stacks so high that it explodes. I’m grateful we are still standing after these fights. Those are the moments I celebrate our marriage.
Fibromyalgia aside, Tim and I have faced many challenges over the years. Sometimes those challenges come in the form of a one time argument or lasts for several months. Either way, I’m grateful when we pull through each one side by side. Those are the moments to celebrate.
Please don’t get me wrong. If you like to celebrate those anniversaries, I’m not minimizing you or your moment. Have fun and explode the night with your celebration. What I’m saying is to not lose sight of those smaller moments that need celebrating, too. Too much time lapsing between those celebrations could create an unintentional wedge between you and your spouse. Shower your partner with the love you have for them each time you are moved to do so as well as when you overcome an obstacle or challenge that may shake the foundation of your union. Face the challenge, deal with it, learn from it, then kick it to the curb with a happy dance. Celebrate that you took the adversity and defeated it. Together. That is a celebration each and every time.