How to Reconnect With Your Spouse

My husband and I will be celebrating twelve years of marriage this winter. Our marriage has had its fair share of amazing memories, stress, good times, bad times, fibromyalgia, and more. The great times far outweigh the not-so-great times, but it takes unwavering commitment from the both of us to have a solid foundation for our marriage.

One of the commitments we value important in our relationship is reconnecting with one another as often as we can. We have four children, his work, my blogging and other projects, homeschool, traditional school, and more on our plates. It is essential that we find time for one another to maintain that connection and commitment. The big question is, how do I make time to reconnect with my spouse?

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How do I reconnect with my spouse?

Answer: Make the time. Each of us make time for the other obligations, errands, and appointments in our life, so make the time for your spouse.

Here are some ideas:

  • Find mutual activities both of you enjoy and do them.
  • Take time to do an activity that your spouse enjoys and genuinely be involved with that activity.
  • Commit a specified day and time of the week that is just the two of you – no interruptions.
  • Unplug from the electronic devices and get some face to face time.

A way that Tim and I choose to reconnect is a weekly breakfast date of Scrabble (this is the edition we have), breakfast, and coffee. Normally, it’s just toast for breakfast, but sometimes we sneak off to Bojangles for a sausage biscuit when the kids are in school. It’s a guilty pleasure we partake in. I know, we are terrible parents!

My husband and me showing our Fibro Face for Fibromyalgia Awareness Day! #FibroFace #fibro #fibromyalgia #FibromyalgiaAwareness
my husband and me, 2014 – My husband has been through my illness with me from the beginning. He has supported me through even the darkest hours. I am truly blessed that God brought us together.

 

Bojangles and Scrabble

Each Wednesday morning my husband and I wake up an hour before the kids (I know this sounds crazy to wake up even earlier, but it’s well worth your marriage, right?). I pop over to Bojangles and pick up two breakfast sandwiches – Cajun chicken for him, sausage for me.

By the time I get home, my husband has our coffee and Scrabble game ready to go! We then quietly play one round and have the best conversation filled with laughter and flirting.

scrabble photo #scrabble #love

 

At the end of the game, it doesn’t matter who has won or lost (although I must say that I am 5-1 since we started) because the time we spend with each other is the most important aspect.

Having this breakfast date is something we look forward to each week because:

  • it sets the tone for the day and relieves a lot of stress,
  • allows us to have a conversation without being interrupted by our children, and
  • lets us discuss important topics such as God, our goals, and dreams.

There are some rules that we set for that time.

  • No negative talking
  • No talking of off limit topics such as finances, work, etc.
  • No talking about the kids (We talk about the kids every day, all day. It is okay to have one hour without talking about them.)
  • That time cannot be rescheduled, or canceled!

 

How did this breakfast date come about?

Lying in bed one night, my husband told me he felt that we did not get enough ‘us’ time. I agreed. We do not have a local babysitter and our families do not live near us, so date nights come about once a year. Clearly, that is not adequate enough time for a couple. He suggested waking up early the next morning and playing a game of Scrabble. I added the sneaking to Bojangles to get breakfast biscuits. Done! It was set.

The next morning, and the first Wednesday we did this, August 27, my husband and I had such a great time that we agreed this had to become a weekly commitment. We put it on our family calendar and we now do it each week. We LOVE it!

 

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how to reconnect with your spouse #beingfibromom #marriage
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Brandi

I'm Brandi, follower of Christ, wife to an amazing, supportive husband, blessed mother to four sweet children, and a fellow spoonie. Facebook-+-Twitter-+-Instagram

22 thoughts on “How to Reconnect With Your Spouse

  • September 10, 2014 at 2:42 pm
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    What a sweet idea! I am always looking for ways to connect with my husband, and it is def. true it has to be so intentional, or it will get swallowed up with everything else. Blessings.

    Reply
    • September 11, 2014 at 7:20 am
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      I like that you used ‘swallowed up’ because that is exactly what happens. Thank you for reading!

      Reply
  • September 10, 2014 at 7:28 pm
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    Great idea! Due to my husbands work we need to look creatively, every week! sometimes we make it sometimes we dont, but I’m inspired to keep at it. Thanks for sharing your solution!

    Reply
    • September 11, 2014 at 7:19 am
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      You’re welcome! There are many ways you can reconnect, but finding something that works for the both of you gets tricky. Don’t give up!

      Reply
  • September 11, 2014 at 10:37 am
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    What a great way to stay connected! I love that idea. I know it won’t really work for us, but something similar just might. As it stands, we connect somehow in small moments throughout the evening when he’s off work. We might “sneak” in a kiss (or two or twelve), we tell each other things we’re thinking about, things we’re worried about, tell each other we love the other, we hug, and we cuddle (or pretend to cuddle with Baby Boy interrupting). Sometimes we don’t do these things and we’re left with touching, or holding hands in bed.

    I can definitely see that the more children we add to our family the more difficult things like this will be. But setting time aside will always have to be a priority for me. 🙂

    Reply
    • September 11, 2014 at 11:04 am
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      This specific activity may not work for you, but knowing that reconnecting is a priority is the most important part! Don’t give up!

      Reply
  • September 11, 2014 at 5:35 pm
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    These are great ideas. I’m soooo not a morning person, but you’re right, it’s so worth it. My favorite thing to do with my hubby right now is reading The Meaning of Marriage together. It’s a great book by Tim Keller, and we feel closer to each other, just spending the time once a week reading together. (Found you on Thoughtful Thursdays)

    Reply
    • September 12, 2014 at 1:12 pm
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      My husband decided this week to start a blog (yay!!), so now we have a project that we work on together in addition to our new traditional Wednesdays. It’s so great to work on things together!

      Reply
  • September 11, 2014 at 11:23 pm
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    We just grab little moments here and there as we can. Flirting throughout the day, snuggling up at night…

    Reply
  • September 12, 2014 at 2:12 pm
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    Thanks for sharing ! We need to reconnect as couple and it’s so hard sometimes ..

    Reply
  • September 13, 2014 at 6:43 am
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    I love, love, love the idea of having a breakfast date! How creative is that?! Thanks so much for sharing with us at Coffee and Conversation this week. 🙂
    ~Candy

    Reply
  • September 13, 2014 at 11:28 am
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    When my boys were little – we would have a date night after they went to bed – and get to-go with candle sticks and a movie:) I love your tips – no negative, no talking kids, no talking work – THAT is a great idea! I just might try your scrabble idea!

    Reply
    • September 13, 2014 at 11:38 am
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      Thanks! We tried to have some time after the kids were in bed, but now their bed time is my bed time! haha

      Reply
  • September 15, 2014 at 10:31 am
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    Thanks for linking up the the Bloggers Brags Pinterest Party! Your post has been pinned to the Bloggers Brags Pinterest Board.

    You are so right! We can make the time if we make it a priority. I get up an hour earlier every day just so I can make and have breakfast with my husband before he goes off to work. And I just recently made a commitment to get off the computer by 8pm every night that my husband is home so we can reconnect.

    Reply
    • September 15, 2014 at 10:49 am
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      Setting a time to cut off screen time is a great suggestion, too, Michelle! I’m going to propose that tonight.Thanks for reading!

      Reply
  • Pingback: 27 Thoughts on Love and Marriage - Monthly Inspiration #003 - The Happiness Blogger

  • February 26, 2015 at 10:24 am
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    My husband and I started our relationship long-distance. Almost a year of skype dates, with visits spaced out every 3 weeks (if we were lucky!) to 3 months. While conversation was certainly a big part of those skype dates, when you skype every single day for 1-2 hours (more on weekends!), you do eventually run out of interesting things to discuss. So we started playing an off-brand Scrabble called Wabble! It was free, we could set up a private game for just the two of us, and we had so much fun with it. Now we own two different Scrabble boards, plus a separate 3D word game. We don’t have kids yet (we’re newlyweds! ish!), but I love this morning date idea.

    Reply
    • February 26, 2015 at 3:04 pm
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      That’s so awesome! We also had a long distance relationship (we were both military) so I can relate with the skype, etc. We also have two types of Scrabble boards and we also play Words with Friends. It’s a lot of fun and he teaches me lots of new vocabulary words!

      Thansk for reading!

      Reply
  • June 3, 2015 at 1:45 pm
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    That’s such a great idea, Brandi! You’ve not let the “box” of parenthood stop you and your hubby from connecting in a meaningful and fun way! I love it! Thanks for sharing and I’ll be sharing this in the Twittersphere as well. 🙂

    Reply
    • June 3, 2015 at 3:56 pm
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      Thank you, Beth! I’ve got to keep the connection real somehow with four littles running around.

      Reply

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