Who should clean the kid’s bedroom? Some say it is the kid’s responsibility, while others say it is the parents. I agree with both—to an extent—and I’ll explain why (and give six tips for cleaning the chaos in your kid’s bedroom). Chores are difficult for a person living with fibromyalgia, so the kiddos need to help however they can for their age. However, sometimes parents have to dive into the chaos and do some deep cleaning and purging occasionally.
This article first appeared in The Fibromyalgia Magazine in June 2019.
Shuffling Through the Chaos
Ouch! “What was that?!” I mutter as I stumble through the minefield of toys littering the floor of my youngest daughter’s bedroom. Deciding it’s better to do a shuffle rather than risking injury to my foot again, I inch my way to her bed – clearing a path as I go to make the return trip more accessible and less painful – to give her a hug and kiss goodnight.
As I shower her with kisses, Abby remarks accusingly, “You didn’t clean my room today.”
“I know, I know. I’ll get to it tomorrow.” I tell her as convincingly as I can muster. At this point of a long and tiring day, my efforts are futile and fall short.
“You said that yesterday, Mommy,” she says in a tone that is that of a disgruntled employer to me, her slacking employee.
Sadly, she is right. I told her yesterday, the day before, and, yes, the day before that. You see my pattern. Her and I both know the tomorrow of cleaning will only come when I’ve been pushed to the absolute edge of it all. The edge is the point when cleaning is the only way I will be able to safely retrieve my child from the mess that is her room, which she alone has created.
After all, she is only seven years old, and cleaning for her age lasts a whopping fifteen seconds before she’s distracted by that Barbie over there or a random, lost LEGO piece over there. She is like me, showing interest in anything other than the daunting task.
Chores Hurt (But Have Benefits)
Doing household chores can be a literal pain for a fibro parent. Living with fibromyalgia means my body will overreact if overexerted physically or mentally. And ‘overexerted’ is vastly different for a body riddled with chronic pain, inflammation, and fatigue.
For example, too many minutes spent washing dishes at once or vacuuming more than one room in one day can have grievous outcomes. This is why pacing is my frenemy, resting is my sidekick, and self-care is my best friend. The trifecta of pacing, resting, and self-care helps to minimize the possibility of a flare but does not eradicate it.
Having the family chip in with the chores also helps tremendously (this includes cleaning their bedroom). Giving age-appropriate chores to each child will provide them with several benefits, including
- responsibility and accountability,
- how to care for their belongings,
- how to work as a family unit, and
- Learn that work does have benefits, such as earning rewards.
Wait. If I’m saying chores have benefits for kids and include cleaning their bedrooms, then why am I discussing cleaning their bedrooms? That’s a good question. Let me explain.
Your chore or theirs?
Even though my kids have daily and weekly chores, their bedrooms seem to accumulate hidden ‘treasures.’ It builds ever so slowly that you can’t see the changes with the naked eye. You walk into their room one day, and BOOM – there you are, ankle-deep in a conglomeration of broken slinkies, tangled cords, and forgotten must-have toys. I’ve seen it all – from the gooey slime hanging like stalactites peppering their ceilings to the pools of gum caked into the carpet of each dark corner.
Let’s get real here and not fool ourselves any longer—the kids’ bedrooms WILL become absolute mayhem despite our valiant efforts to share chores. Kids are kids, bottom line. Period. We cannot expect them to clean, organize, and sift through their bedrooms with a fine-tooth comb the way parents can. It’s unfair to a child or parent to have these expectations. It only adds frustration and disappointment to the situation.
Here are some tips for clearing the kids clutter from Andrea Dekker.
6 Tips for Cleaning the Chaos
So I ask—what’s the best way to get the kids’ rooms cleaned when they have reached this point of destruction? Throwing away all the broken toys, giving away the discarded books, and donating the outgrown clothes is a big task—one that will leave me resting for days if not approached appropriately. Here are six tips for cleaning the chaos in your kids’ bedrooms.
Set a Timer
I set a twenty-minute timer when starting any physical task to maintain peace between my frenemy pacing and me. It’s a bad habit of mine to start a chore and keep going until completion. The pain and exhaustion are not felt until too late when the adrenaline starts pumping. This is when the timer comes in handy.
I have found that twenty minutes of work is my limit. When the timer marks the end, I set another timer to rest for ten minutes. The cycle of work and rest continues until the job is complete. It does mean it will take longer than if I worked nonstop, but pacing respects my physical limits while minimizing the chances of a flare.
The amount of time spent working will vary from person to person, so find your body’s limits in small increments. Set a timer for five minutes and note how you feel at the end of those minutes. If you’re okay with it, slowly increase until you find what is comfortable. No matter your limit set a timer so you don’t get carried away with the task and overexert your body’s capability.
Turn on the Tunes
According to the article “Is Listening to Music Good for Your Health”, Time magazine reported that listening to music can help lower depression, improve blood flow, and ease pain. Your dance tunes can also take your focus off what you are doing and make the time go by more smoothly.
So crank up your favorite music while you battle the action figures, misfit toys, and whatever is over there. This is an excellent opportunity to practice your cool parent dance moves without embarrassing your kids.
Do It Alone
Aside from the freedom to dance as you please, this level of cleaning should be done alone. We all have some degree of attachment to material things, whether we care to admit it or not. Some attachments may be more robust than others, but it’s there. Because of this, it’s better to declutter and purge without your kids. (If you’re worried about your kiddo holding onto items for fear of you tossing them when they aren’t looking, be sure to read the next tip about making piles.)
I was hesitant to do this type of cleaning alone once because I threw away something thinking it was trash, and it turned out to be my daughter’s keepsake. As a result, she has resorted to hoarding (a term not used lightly here) and hiding her items. However, there is a way to do it alone and avoid throwing away treasure—make piles.
Make Piles
Make three distinct piles when cleaning your kid’s bedroom.
- Trash: Throw away the apparent trash, such as candy wrappers, crumpled-up paper, and dried-out Play-Doh.
- Donation: For the outgrown clothes, games with missing pieces, and similar items.
- Uncertain pile: The items you’re unsure about are trash, keepsakes, or still played with, placed in the uncertain pile.
Grab your kiddo and work through the uncertain pile together when you’re finished. This lets your child know his/her feelings are valued when going through their belongings. They can help decide if it’s trash or going to be donated and won’t feel the need to hold onto each item in fear of it being tossed when they aren’t looking.
Be Realistic
Each time I dive into the battle of mom-vs-kid-bedroom, I promise myself it won’t get that way again. And yet, I found myself cleaning these pits of horror repeatedly…and again. So, first things first – be realistic. It will happen again. It’s not your fault or a failure on your part. It is what it is and will happen despite your best efforts.
Do not beat yourself up over this. It’s not worth it. The best thing you can do is know that the mess will happen. You have a plan of attack, and you will work through it one dance move at a time. Fibro parenting is authoritarian; that’s no lie. But you know what? You kick ass as a fibro parent whether you recognize it or not, and no amount of stuff is going to derail you from that thinking – you got me?
My best advice with the kiddos is give them specific jobs like pick up all your books. One thing at a time because telling them to clean their rooms is too overwhelming, like it is sometimes for us.
I overdo all the time. I tried pacing, but I just have too much I want to get done. Today it was trimming the neighbors bushes that are over our 8 foot high fence so this involved getting out the ladder and the cutting accouterments, then dragging everything out to the truck and tossing in the back. Now I have both my neck and my back heating pads going, but it’s the hips that are bothering me the most.
I am lucky my doc gives me three pain pills a day, but I normally only take 2. I exercise and walk my dog with my morning pill and do the housework (just me and DH), maybe do a load of laundry in there somewhere. Then in the afternoon I do outside chores. I go back to the kitchen at 4:00 p.m. to start dinner.
When I mow the front lawn that’s all I can do in a day. I hate fibro!
Giving specific tasks is a great point! Kids don’t know where to start just like we don’t. I like that tip, thanks! I hope you’re feeling better soon and it doesn’t trigger a flare for you. Mowing the lawn is the biggest pain for me – literally!